Regular advice to actors is never appear with children or animals. While conducting Baptisms, it’s clearly inappropriate to follow it. At least where the children are concerned. The animals, in the case we’re about to discover it’s a snake, is more arguable.

Many of the regular congregation had wisely stayed at home. There’s a real difficulty about getting to the Church as the authorities have dug up the  junction on two sides and closed them for a month. Why? Who knows? And once there, the heating has been giving trouble although the building was warm enough this morning.

However, the Minister would have been pleased to see the Christening party. It was large and comprised of the two children being christened, six godparents and the extended family with many small ones in hand. The older child, a boy, had brought a friend. It was green and wiggly and perfect for dropping over the front of the pew as the sermon progressed. His younger sister was awake in her pram and cooing loudly. She soon had the covers off and tiny feet in perfect slippers were waving in the air.

Most of the wee folk headed out to the toilet attached to their parent of choice, but as that included the young man of the day, it was considered a good thing. He’d be fine for the actual baptism.

Only he thought he’d go again. Just as the congregation began the baptismal hymn. One of the godparents performed his first duty by winkling the boy and his mum from the toilets in time for them to join his Dad and sister at the font.

The Minister managed most capably and did in fact succeed in baptising the child, but not the snake. However, just as he breathed the proverbial sigh of relief, little sister got hold of the radio mike. Whether it is smeared with child friendly syrup before baptisms, we haven’t been able to establish, but proceedings faltered. She too was baptised eventually. The congregation sang. Dad left the Sanctuary. The Minister raised an eyebrow and Dad came back onto the Sanctuary.

The Sacrament completed, Dad removed his tie. The snake was last seen slithering into a bag. What a lot the stay-at-homes missed.

That would be the sermon. Calvinism and the six paradigms, I think. The theatre was most engaging.

The Christmas day service in my local church is a relaxed and joyous event – for the congregation. We sing traditional carols and there’s a children’s address: for our Minister, that’s the rub.

The children’s address mainly comprises an opportunity for the children to show off their favourite booty from Santa. Remember the warning NEVER APPEAR WITH CHILDREN OR ANIMALS.

Bet our Minister was wishing he’d thought more carefully about that this morning. Besides the usual cars, aliens, spiders (what is it about children, Christmas and spiders?) he found himself studying a Hexbugs centre. What is a hexbug and should the Church Officer take advice?

In addition, there was the child carrying a large plastic bottle of tomato ketchup. It was, he claimed, his favourite toy. He offered no further elucidation.

A wind-up (of the Minister, not of the ketchup bottle) or a family joke? Who knows. Like all good theatre, we left the Sanctuary with a question in mind.

Some of you will also receive the newsletter from Scottish Playwrights’ Studio which contains loads of useful information about things dramatic. Here’s one that was in this month’s edition:

“Oran Mor Comedy Drama Award Oran Mor and Channel 4 Applications: UK wide Deadline: 1 October 2012

Oran Mor is delighted to announce the launch of the Channel 4/Oran Mor Comedy Drama Award. The Award carries a prize of £5000 and is open to all writers resident in the UK. The winning entry will be selected by a panel of judges drawn from Oran Mor and Channel 4 and will be given its stage premier in March 2013 at A Play A Pie and A Pint during the Glasgow International Comedy Festival.

Scripts, in one act and no more than 50 minutes in length and using no more than 3 actors, should be submitted by email to April Chamberlain at aprilcha@gmail.com .Please include a cover sheet with your full contact details and agents details (if applicable). The closing date for entries is Monday 1st October 2012.”

I promised in my earlier post to report back after I’d seen the final version of Laure Paterson’s: Leith’s Hidden Treasure.

The major surprise for me was the huge and delightful contribution made by four young actors and dancers from P6 of St Mary’s school. They were never far from proving the adage – Don’t appear with children or animals – as they sang skipping songs, practised the Highland fling, played peevers and tap danced.

Laure had drawn them effortlessly into the play and woven Janey Halliwell’s story into their childish gossip. Was it okay to include a child with a hole in her dress in their dancing display? It produced a work of great charm: just right to remember the local hospital by and to entertain an audience out to enjoy their local festival.

One of the problems of writing this kind of play, where the author has consulted widely and heard memories from a lot of people, is in finding a tight enough inner dramatic conflict. The contributors want to hear ‘their’ bit and in including all the ‘bits’ a certain dilution takes place.

Leith’s Hidden Treasure was an excellent production for its slot and Laure has the Genesis of a drama, another hidden treasure, should she decide to explore the lives of her nursing staff.

Run finished.

My novelist friend, Gwen Kirkwood, has blogged about her visit to the Theatre Royal, Dumfries with others from the writing world in that area. They came to see our production of Peter Pan Man, but Gwen talks about the theatre’s history a little and some of you may be interested to follow the link below.

http://novelpointsofview.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/mconnachie-jmb-by-anne-stenhouse-this.html#comment-form

There was an undoubted frisson to bringing M’Connachie & JMB to The Theatre Royal in Dumfries. Did our line about schoolboy dramatics in Dumfries cause a stir in the other place JMB was so fond of? It certainly caused a nervous laugh among the audience.

The theatre is small and intimate with a very good acoustic. The audience welcomed us and the evening went well.

I made a tiny pilgrimage to Moat Brae House on Saturday morning where an Arts Festival bus obscured the frontage a bit. Sadly, it was still possible to see the depredations time has brought to a magnificent building. Dumfries has many lovely buildings – but doesn’t anyone know a gutter clearing operator? I can’t remember seeing so many unplanned roof gardens.

Enjoyed the local museums and found the grave of my husband’s paternal great grandparents. Ate good food and, Fanfare here, stayed in the Glenalder House B&B which is next door to Barrie’s brother’s house in Victoria Terrace. Scotland’s small world syndrome in overdrive.

One final performance of this tour in Livingston on Tuesday 5th June at 7.30

Howden Park Centre tickets 01506 777 666

Come again to learn about the two hander that’s going out for consideration. And if you want to hear Vicky Featherstone in conversation before she leaves the National theatre of Scotland find an event here:

http://www.nms.ac.uk/our_museums/national_museum/whats_on/adults/talks.aspx